Family
by Dark E Midnight
Summary: All Morgana wanted was a family. My take on why Morgana betrayed all her friends, wanted to become Queen of Camelot and turned evil. Her thoughts on Morguase and Uther. Also her feelings about Arthur, Merlin and Gwen. Morgana POV


**A/N: What Morgana says after she found out she was Uther's daughter always gets me every time I watch the scene. This is my take on Morgana's thoughts about Uther and Morgause especially but also Arthur, Gwen and Merlin.**

 **Disclaimer: Not mine.**

All Morgana really wanted was a family. For the first ten years of her life she had that. And she was happy. When her father died and Uther took her in it was perfectly clear to Morgana that this was not a replacement family. Maybe Arthur cared for her and Uther had some degree of affection for her but they weren't family. Uther and Arthur were family. They put each other first. She wasn't a priority. She was an outsider. A guest. An imposer. Only there because of a promise Uther had made her father many years ago. Uther felt obliged to take her in. She was dependant upon his goodwill and she hated it. She fought against him every way she could. Challenging him on his laws and fighting him on his decisions. It was as much freedom as she could get. And maybe she wanted to be noticed by him. To have his attention for once.

Over the years her time with Uther was mainly spent arguing and her exchanges with Arthur were mainly barbed and ended with both of them angry. The only person she really had was Gwen and Gwen was only there because she was paid to be. In her more private moments she ached for Uther to marry her off. Maybe then she would have someone to talk to that wasn't paid to be there. Then again, she would be married for political power so her husband would only be marrying her for Camelot's goodwill. Not because he loved her. Maybe that was why she enjoyed Merlin's company so much. Merlin helped her because he wanted to. Not for money or political advantage or because that was his job. In a way he was a friend. A friend who was genuine. A friend who didn't get anything out of being her friend except her friendship.

When she discovered her magic her anger and dissatisfaction with Uther grew out of fear and injustice until she couldn't have a single civil conversation with him. She gave up on wanting his love. His approval. Instead, she wanted his anger. In her more extreme moods she wanted his death. And still she was alone.

Then there was Morgause. Morgause welcomed Morgana into her life with open arms. Morgause offered her what she yearned for: a family. Morgause cared about her so in return Morgana did her best to please Morgause. If Morgause wanted Uther dead and Camelot to fall so did Morgana. When she was with Morgause, she forgot all about the good times in Camelot. She forgot the way Arthur loved her like a sister. She forgot the way Uther had always looked out for her. She remember only the long hours spent in her room waiting for council meetings or training sessions to end. She didn't remember Uther's moments of mercy and fairness. She remembered only the unjust executions. She didn't remember the meals where they had a good time and enjoyed each other's company. She remembered only the constant arguments. And with this in her mind, she agreed to something without thinking it through. Without realising the consequences.

After that she was betrayed. By Merlin. The man she had trusted with her secret. The man who had helped her time and time again. The man who she had thought was the one person who liked her for who she was. Not for the money or power. And so, when Morgause told her that the only person Morgana could trust was Morgause, (her sister, the one person who had never let her down, the person who put Morgana first) she believed her. She didn't need friends. As long as she had Morgause everything was fine.

Of course, the pieces of her newly assembled world couldn't stay ordered for long. Once again everything was turned upside down with the revelation of her true father: Uther Pendragon. At first all she felt was confusion. It couldn't possibly be right. She, a sorcerer, hater of Camelot, couldn't possible be the daughter of Uther, enemy of the old religion, King of Camelot. Then she felt hope. Despite the contempt for her thoughts, she couldn't help but think that maybe she could have a proper family after all. Maybe she could be accepted. Maybe Uther would claim her as a Pendragon and she would finally fit in. Those foolish dreams were quickly shattered when Uther made it clear he wasn't going to admit they were related. Now she felt a surging anger for it was better to feel angry than to feel hurt. The opinions of commoners and an image of a perfect King that no one believed anyway mattered more than his daughter. His own flesh and blood. She had been disowned because strangers mattered more than her. She was sick of Uther putting her last. She was sick of him lying to her. She was sick manipulating her with pretty stories of her father. He obviously didn't care about her at all. He would pay for not claiming her. He would pay for fooling her. If he didn't want her to be part of his family than she would destroy his family. She would no longer fall for the meaningless, carefully calculated gestures or honeyed words. If he truly cared for her than he would be proud to call her his daughter.

Morgause didn't understand that. She believed Morgana was merely disgusted at the idea of sharing blood with that monster. When Morgause went to kiss her on the cheek she pulled away. She didn't know who to trust anymore. Was Morgause even her sister?

That thinking didn't last long. She had no reason to doubt Morgause. Even if Morgaise wasn't her sister by blood she was still a sister. Morgana had decided she would pick her own family. Gorlois was her father as he had looked after her like a father. Morgause was her sister because she acted like a sister. But most certain in her mind was the conviction Uther needed to pay. And so without a second thought or a moment's careful consideration, she decided to kill Uther. Somewhere in her rash decision making she had become enchanted with the idea of Uther being killed by the dagger Artgur had given her. It seemed fitting to her that he was killed by his disowned child using the gift from his favoured child.

When her murder attempt failed the first emotion she felt was fury. Fury for failing. Then she felt relief. Relief for not being caught. Relief for not ruining Morgause's carefully laid plans. Finally, she felt grateful. Uther did not deserve a quick death. He deserved to suffer. To be humiliated. And if that took time, she would be patient. It was worth waiting for justice.

Her thoughts turned to what she could do to make Uther pay. She remembered Morgause taking about how being a Pendragon meant she had a claim to the throne. Uther had proven his kingdom mattered to him more than anything. More than family. What better revenge could there be than taking away Uther's kingdom? And she would do it. She would use his own name and power against him. She would take her rightful place upon the throne of Camelot if it was the last thing she did.

 **A/N: Thoughts? Below is the transcript for scene that this was inspired by.**

 **Morgana: Uther is my father. I am his daughter.**

 **Morgause: Uther?**

 **Morgana: He's been lying to me all these years.**

 **Morgause: But this is glorious news.**

 **Morgana: He disowned me. He wants people to think that he's the perfect king. It's more important to him than his own flesh and blood.**

 **Morgause: But don't you see? This is wonderful! You have a legitimate claim to his throne.**

 **Morgana: No, Sister. You don't understand. He must pay for this.**


End file.
